Happy Fourth of July!

 

In honor of the Fourth, I’ll be sharing only WOOFS today. Cuz let’s be serious: Woots are nice, but Woofs are hilarious. And hilarious always wins.

 

WOOFS:

And then there was that time when THIS happened…

Also this…

-Yeah, that there be my sister in her Wilderness Class.  Yeah, you heard me right – her WILDERNESS CLASS.  Apparently they have those now in college edumacations. I’m not even mad, cuz get a load of these pictures! Woof-triple-Woof.

-When the ‘Transvaginal Mesh Failure Warning’ commercial comes on…mostly because do they have to say the word ‘transvaginal’? Are there creepier words than THAT? And what the deuce IS ‘transvaginal mesh’ anyway? and what attorney wants to take on THAT case? I apologize for posting this.

–that awkward moment when I hear the word ‘popcorn’ on TV, and suddenly popcorn sounds real reeeeeeeeeeal good right ’bout now.  I.SUCK.

-when the gum you’ve now been chewing on for WAY too long tastes so bad you could cry but you’re too lazy to get up to throw it away. WOOF – mostly to the lazy part.

-When you keep resorting to eating Wheat Thins any time you’re hungry because it’s so much easier than making something, and let’s face it: they’re delicious. Five lbs. later…WOOF.

-When you end up putting ON weight since starting your 8-week-challenge. Cool.

-That awkward moment when someone suggests that you should try get off sugar for 30 days to break the habit since it causes decreased memory function and intelligence yaddi yaddi yadda… and what you SAY is ‘yeah definitely. I’m totally gonna do that’, but what you’re THINKING is ‘NOT.A.CHANCE. No amount of intelligence or memory performance is worth living a life without cookies…or starbursts…or sugar coated kettle corn. Sorry! Just call me stupid cloudy memory girl from now on.’

-That awkward moment when your mother-in-law happens to be standing right outside the bathroom that you just used as you walk out… holding your laptop. OK I TAKE MY LAPTOP INTO THE BATHROOM WITH ME SOMETIMES PEOPLE, OK?! There! I admitted it! I’m not in the bathroom right now, by the way…in case…anyone…was…wondering..that.

-The Bachelorette. Have you been watching it? It.Is.INFURRRRIATING!!!!  Mostly because a) I think my bedroom DOOR has more of a personality and sense of humor than she does, b) Really? Like are all these guys REALLY in love with her? Come on! If you get on the show and decide you don’t think she’s got much goin on besides being a real pretty face or she’s just not your style, are you REALLY gonna SAY THAT? ON PUBLIC TELEVISION? OF COURSE NOT!! Here’s some advice for all my single lady friends: don’t find your spouse on TV!!!  K, and if you want a SERIOUSLY HILARIOUS synopsis of The Bachelorette, go HERE. You’ll be laughing your face off. Proms. AND – God bless Emily. She actually seems like a sweet girl with a fair amount of class. I suddenly feel bad ab0ut what I said about her personality.  Please forgive me. The end.

 

Have a fun and SAFE holiday! 

And may your week be filled with way more WOOTS than WOOFS!

(unless of course your ‘woofs’ are of a hilarious nature, and in that case: bring em on!)