Dear, lovely Readers…
Forgive the heavy content today, but there is something important that I need to say to all of you:
If I have ever written anything on this blog that has been offensive, disrespectful, insensitive or inappropriate in any way, I. AM. SO. SORRY. Really guys – I am. It has come to my attention that this rogue mouth of mine has delivered unsavory feelings to some of my readers at times. Not only does that make my heart hurt because of how it has made YOU feel; it also pains me because nothing could be further from the true intention of this blog and the feelings I wish for it to evoke. For all of my imprudent banter and inane popping-off, it scarcely occurs to me that this could fall on the side of reckless, demeaning, and disrespectful. And my negligence of that fact is nothing short of irresponsible and insensitive. I’m a grown woman. I ought to know better. Those of you who know me personally and well can verify that I’ve been guilty far too often of using off-color remarks and unorthodox commentary. It’s admittedly been a weakness of mine for as long as I can remember. Well, it’s one thing to not take yourself too seriously and to be silly and light-hearted. It’s quite another when ‘silliness’ turns to carelessness, and word choice unintentionally turns to the belittling, the demeaning, and the unkind. Unintentional or not, the last thing on earth that I EVER want to be is any of those things. And I am so, so sorry for instances when I’ve been guilty of such here on this blog, and/or elsewhere.
To give you some context for all this, there was a recent post in which I used the word ‘Tard’ to describe myself while making goofy faces into the camera. I’m ashamed to say that this is just ONE instance in which my flippant and careless word choice was massively inappropriate and offensive. Unfortunately, it is not an isolated incident. In this particular instance, someone kindly and courageously reached out to call the offense to my attention. I want to share with you what was shared with me: “Tard” is obviously short for “retard” or “retarded”. It is a very negative reference to a mentally delayed or disabled individual. Even when used as a joke to describe a person of normal intelligence, it is offensive because it is ultimately referencing back with cruel belittlement to an innocent person who is disabled. The term was heavily used in the mid 1980s and early 90s before society began to understand the insensitivity behind it. It is not used anymore by educated individuals. It isn’t one of those slang words that is up for debate or personal opinion as to whether it is offensive. It is unequivocally known to be offensive and unkind. To refer to one’s negative, ugly, goofy, or awkward “faces” or behavior as being a “tard” or “retarded” makes my heart ache with sorrow for those mentally disabled who may not be as physically beautiful or immaculately fashioned as some, but who are worlds above us in a kind of deep, meaningful beauty that we “normal” people can only hope and pray we may attain.’ Daggers, you guys. Daggers to my heart, because all of that is SO TRUE, and I feel so humbled and ashamed. I am compelled to share that with you in case there are others who would use such language without thinking, as I often do.
The truth is, for all the talk of clothes and shoes and that which is trivial and temporary that goes on here on the blog, simply by merit of its niche – all of that stuff falls SO LOW on the list of things that actually matter to me. At the end of the day, it all gravely pales in comparison to the things that otherwise occupy my time, thoughts and attention (i.e. God, husband, family, friends, goals, etc.). It’s important to me that you know that. Sure, it’s fun to dress up, to look good, to have a place to come and let loose and discuss life’s less weighty matters. But it is so much more important to be concerned with who you are and what you stand for, how you treat others and the type of character you’re developing and conveying in your words and actions. It’s important to be a force for what is right; to seize every opportunity in which you might be an enabler of positive change. The truest intention of this blog is to share only that which would uplift and inspire – that which is lovely, kind, wholesome and good. For all the instances in which I have deviated from that in any way, again – I genuinely apologize. Occasions of such have been unauthentic to who I want to be and what I want this space to represent and stand for.
Moving forward, I hope you’ll see a good change in me. I have no intentions of stripping myself of personality or my innate ‘goof-ball’ tendencies. I simply intend to be a better version of myself – one that is more mindful, more cognizant, and more sensitive. Words are important, and I intend to think through mine a little better before I let them take stage here.
To those of you who have had the courage to reach out to me directly concerning this topic, I wish to publicly thank you. I have been the fortunate recipient of not attacks or humiliating lashings, but private, gentle chastisements, expressing that you expect a little more of me. I’m so glad that you do. It takes courage to stand up for what you know to be right, and it takes character to find a way to do so compassionately. I admire you, and I am grateful for you.
To all of my readers: thank you for being patient with me. There is no shortage of faults, weaknesses or vanities in this girl. I will be the first to admit that I am deeply flawed, and that if I made you a list of all the attributes I wish I had or am striving to attain, it would be one real long list. With that being said, I can’t promise that another careless word won’t ever unintentionally slip onto these pages. I CAN promise though to make that my goal. Please keep helping me to be better. And thank you for the time you take to stop by here, for whatever the reason is. There are so many of you that I would refer to as friends without hesitation, and that makes me feel ever so blessed.
Please know, again, how genuinely sorry I am for any and all offensive words that have escaped these lips or fingertips. I so appreciate your understanding and forgiveness, and your belief in me that I can be better. I believe that too, and I intend to hold myself more closely to that standard from now on.
Have a ‘Feeling Humbled (in a good way) Friday’,
and may your week be filled with way more Woots than Woofs!
Human beings are fallible; ALL HUMAN BEINGS i.e. NOT just YOU. Everyone reading this has messed up MANY TIMES so please forgive yourself and move on. I have only just recently discovered your blog and think you are delightful. Shake it off and let it go :-).
I think it is admirable of you to step up and apologize for what you said that offended people, and I think it is extremely respectful. I also think it’s great that you intend on keeping your personality true to who you are while striving to be a better version of yourself. I think everyone, including myself, should perhaps think about what they’re saying and how it comes across. Thanks for posting this!
Samantha | http://www.lifestreamthoughts.blogspot.com
I just found your blog today and I have to say that I am so impressed that you had the humility to apologize. I know how hard that can be. Here’s to moving forward!
~Taylor
You are a total sweetheart Shannon! I have no doubt your intentions have never been to offend anyone. I think we can all do better at watching our words so we don’t offend, and also choosing not to be offended. You’ve inspired me to be more aware of my words. Thank you and well said!
How sweet are you? What a good heart you have!
I’m really glad that you addressed this head on. Many people get tongue tied or embarrassed so they ignore it. Others don’t believe that it’s an issue so they ignore it… but I think your response is brave and humbling and a good reminder of what really matters. It’s a testament to the fact that we are all human and it’s a difficult but beautiful apology. Thank you for approaching it head on.
Aw, it’s okay girl! I think many of us can relate to saying something on our sites that was not appropriate or was inadvertently ill willed. I think those of your readers know your true intentions. Thinking of you!
i think it’s so lovely that you shared this and i have absolutely not ever been offended. this makes me enjoy reading your work even more, though!
kw ladies in navy
You go girl! It takes someone with a lot of integrity to write what you have and personally, I have never been offended by anything you have written.
What a brave and honest post. You are amazing for sharing this and for being so upfront about it all. That’s why I love your blog so much and admire you for who you are. XO.
This was good read for me. I too, have an off-color commentary at times & am sure I’ve offended many. Beautifully written & thoughtfully put. Thanks for the reminder. xo.
This is such a beautifully written post. I’ve never taken anything offensively and always enjoy your posts, but I can see the weight of that word. I think it’s wonderful that you took the time to reply with such a heartfelt post. I, myself have been there a few times and this is a great wake up call to me as well. Sometimes we write without really thinking (just like, sometimes we speak without thinking). xoxo
What a humbling and heartfelt apology. In my opinion, it takes a big person to admit when they are wrong and dedicate themselves to do better. I for one, take my hat off to you and am encouraged to do better in my own life. Thank you.
Thanks for the apology. That was really big of you. If you have time, check out http://www.r-word.org/ and make the pledge. The kids I work with love getting on this site and seeing how many have pledged to “spread the word to end the word.”
Mary Shan,
You’re such a doll and wonderful person. I loved this post not because I have ever found anything you have said offensive but because I liked reading about the things that really matter to your heart and soul. Wish I could wrap my arms around you and give you a big fat hug!
I think we all know your intentions! You are the funnest, sweetest girl. I am just sad you didn’t stick around Utah for us to hang out more! Language is a funny thing, I feel like many of us have used that word without thinking twice about it. Contexts and things change over time and sometimes we don’t even know why we are saying something. I actually have members of my family that would fall into that category of being special needs and growing up I used to use that word too without even thinking. We all become more aware as we get older but just know that I don’t think any differently of you. We are all human! MUCH LOVE.
This was lovely and brave. Many would have simply erased the offensive word and still others would probably have tried to defend it. We all slip and say things that we wish we wouldn’t have or that were hurtful without us initially realizing it, but I commend you for trying not to offend others with your words. Too often people think that because they say something without meaning to hurt others, that it doesn’t matter when they do.
I very much enjoyed this post and both your humility and honesty. Sometimes it is easy to get caught up in the superficial on these kinds of blogs, but of course most of us have much more depth as people. I respect your ability to come out and say something this vulnerable and your commitment to continuously try to be the best version of yourself. I hope we all try to do our best!
Shannon, you are so incredibly funny and sweet. This was such a lovely post. I’ve always found your writing funny and light hearted. You stay true to who you are which can be so hard for any type of writing. Keep up your great blog!
Xo Dina